Because You're Worth It

Dear whoever is reading this,          

I understand how rough things are right now. I just want to let you know that things will get better, I promise. Keep holding on just a little bit longer. I know you feel like nobody cares. You're wrong, stop denying it. I care, otherwise I wouldn't be saying this. You're not alone. We maybe miles away, but trust me, we're all going through the same things.
Never let anyone tell you that you're not worth being loved. Never let anyone tell you that your body is the reason why you're not in a relationship. Never let anyone tell you that you should wear better clothes, use more make up and flirt more often. Never let anyone make feel you bad over things they're not bothered by.
Someone will be in love with you, regardless of your most comfortable state, and if that happens to be curled up in a ball on the floor of your room, crying as you listen to your favorite sad songs, then you have found true love.
By the way, did you ever realize how much your body loves you? I mean it's always trying to keep you alive. That's all your body has to live for. Your body is making sure you breathe while you sleep, stopping cuts from bleeding, fixing broken bones, finding ways to beat the illnesses that might get you. Your body literally loves you so much. It's time you start loving it back.
When the razor, pills,knife,etc. start whispering your name, remember that I'll be shouting it at the top of my voice, telling you that I love you. Because even if you're broken and hurt, I'll want you to get up and move on with your life, like I did. It's okay to feel sad, cry and scream into your pillow at nights. But it's so, SO much more better to face your demons, show the middle finger to the bitch whispering in you're head that you're not worth it, and most importantly, start loving yourself.
So, please hold on just a little longer. I promise it'll get better. It eventually does.
Please.

Dementia

Walking down the memory lane,
Trying to peer into dingy cottages,
Through the foggy glass panes,
Looking for the long lost pages,
Hiding the happy moments of the old times,
Before smiles had turned into dollars and dimes.

I keep walking, fabricating joyous moments,
An excellent facade, to hide my gray shades.
Moving on, constantly enduring torment,
Though the mask, the lies do start to fade.
My walls crumbling away, bringing down my guard.
This is so hard, oh so damn hard!

I try to recall happiness, abandoned somewhere,
Maybe hidden in a deep cellar, broken and bare.

Impasse

I hear them, so loud,
Impelling me to not give in,
Coaxing me to keep moving on,
But how can I not let it go,
When I'm stuck at this impasse,
Shredding my hope and faith,
Or at least, what was left of it.

Enough

I'm in pain,
Hurt, that's all I can say.
Treading through darkness,
With tears and sweat,
Tired of all the torment,
With more yet to come.
Don't wanna carry on,
Just lie down, and give up all.
'Cuz I don't have the energy,
Nor the will left.
Hoping it'll all end,
Soon, soon enough,
That's all I pray.

Ugly Duckling

I glanced sideways at Smriti. She was doodling on the back of her history register, slouching slightly with her head low, so that Mrs. Joshi wouldn't notice her chewing a gum. But I noticed. I noticed her long locks, the red streak in her gorgeous silky black hair, discreetly hidden in her braid. The few freckles scattered across her fair high cheek bones and her chocolate eyes enhanced her already perfect heart shaped face. Soon I realized that the 'noticing' had turned to staring and I faced front before she realized the same.Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a face looking in my direction. I glanced at that person and mentally corrected my mistake.
He was looking, scratch that, gawking at her not me. But not in the way I was staring at her. But then again, why would he be envious to her looks. He had that dreamy, romantic look on his face. Well, I shouldn't have been bothered by this, since every second boy has the same look on his face while looking at Smriti. But seeing Mayank looking at her like that only increased my dislike towards Smriti. He was so lost looking at her, he didn't even see me scowling straight at him. I gave up and turned my head away in disgust. Suddenly the bell rang. Recess time. I caught hold of my books, and pushing them under the desk in one swipe, I rushed out of the class as soon as Mrs. Joshi exited the room. But the look on the face of my crush looking at my roll partner the way I'd look at him was stuck in my head. As I was hurrying through the corridor I ran into a junior. Not much damage done, I apologized vaguely, and as I was turning around to keep moving forward, I saw a faint reflection of myself in a classroom window. A short, bespectacled, dark complexioned, too skinny girl with oily, matted hair stared back at me. I could feel my eyes stinging slightly. Then suddenly, I heard my best friend's voice booming in the corridor,"Hey beautiful!",  pulling me out of my self pitying reverie. I turned the way the voice came from, and saw Sid walking briskly down the corridor towards me, with a huge smile on his face. I could see Gargi, my other bestie, rushing with him. She was also beaming brightly. "Why'd you leave so suddenly, without waiting for us, huh?" Sid questioned and Gargi added, "Yeah! You left like a bolt. Anyway, CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!" and I was suddenly being almost strangled by the 'hug' Gargi had caught me in. As Gargi let me go quickly I started breathing deeply, grateful of the air I was now receiving After Gargi, Sid came upto me and hugged me as well, but he was  gentler, and he too wished me a "Congrats".  As I ended the hug, I enquired what this was all about.
Gargi started, "You don't know? Oh how would you, flying through the door as soon as the bell rang." She taunted. I looked at Sid and he explained, "Mrs. Grover came into the class today and informed me that you'll be wearing your general uniform tomorrow since you'd be getting awarded for the Zonal Essay Competion you won the other day." Before I could react, Mayank came upto me, and said, "Hey, congrats girl. I heard about you winning the Zonals. Dude, you rock!" with that, he shook my hand and left with his friends.
I was shocked and couldn't breathe, this time out of sheer happiness. I looked past Sid, at the reflection of a beaming, slightly tanned, studious looking girl with average height and neat hair. I don't look so bad, do I?

Don't Need Him

Okay, so I saw this post on facebook the other day and had only one thing in mind 'This person is one bloody happy soul'. No, really. When you see all those lovey dovey couples, either on social sites or in real life, it's natural to get envious. Or nauseous.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not against love. But do I really need say it out loud whether ALL these couples are really 'in love'?  Or even happy? No sweeties, of course not. Being taken does not mean being happy. It only means you're sharing your life with someone who can kiss you anytime without you slapping them in return.
Did you laugh at that? You didn't? Sorry, but all this is coming from a girl who's been single for the sixteen years of her life. And spent fifteen of these years thinking she wasn't good enough for anyone out there. But lately I've realised that you don't need to be 'good enough' to be in love. That would, in fact, set a bar as to who can fall in love and who cannot. And, trust me, you are already good enough, absolutely perfect the way you are. If a guy (or a girl) can't accept the way you are, or should I put it as, someone who'd like to change you, well, let's say, they don't deserve you. At all.
Even though I like the image above, I also believe that if you're truly happy being single, you don't have to announce it like that. Your true self doesn't need declarations.
This is a request to all those single birdies out there. Please, please don't be miserable just because you don't have a partner. It's much better to wait than to get into a shitty relationship. Those who've already suffered this fate and are now alone, would hopefully understand. No matter how lonely or helpless you feel at times, it's much better not to have someone by your side who'll only make it worse.

Low self esteem? No Way!!

Sometimes I just sit still, completely still, and look around myself. I observe and mentally point out all things and people that make me happy in anyway. Weird, I know. But this simple trick really helps when I feel sad or miserable, which I do quite often, trust me. Not like I'm a sulky, pathetic, self pitying teen who doesn't chortle or giggle or crack stupid jokes. It's just that some days I feel real helpless, misunderstood, neglected, and, well, all things an average adolescent feels while terribly upset. There are moments when I wish my parents would just listen to me. Moments when I wish my teachers would give me more credit than they give to my nerdy bench mate. Moments when I wish that the cute guy in my coaching centre would notice me some day. Moments when I wish that I had a bigger book collection than my best friend. Moments when I wish that I looked prettier. Moments when I wish I was simply.... better.

But there are also moments when I feel that my life is NOT a completely downhill road. Moments when my parents hug me and say they're proud of me. Moments when my teachers get the whole class, including my nerdy bench mate, applauding for me because my assignment was one of the best ones. Moments when that topper guy ignores the pretty bitch in the coaching centre and tallies all his exercise answers with me. Moments when my best friend writes an essay about me in an essay competition. Moments when my neighbour compliments me on my sense of humor. Moments when I simply feel the best.