Welcome to Adolescence

I read this tumblr post long back, which cites some really true facts that are actually quite typical of a teenager’s life, despite everyone being so very different from each other, despite living in and coping with different situations.

 “No one keeps their middle school friends forever. You’ll fail a test once in your life. Your teachers will assign your seats away from your friends and your parents will assign you to your room when you do wrong things. You’re going to get drunk and say something you’ll regret. You’re going to cry over boys whose names you won’t remember in twenty years. You’re going to call your friends names behind their back when they make you mad, and they’re going to do the same to you. You’re going to be on your own, once in a while. Your opinions about people will change once you get to know them. You will judge someone based on the rumors you heard about them, once in your life. People are going to make fun of the music you listen to; others will like it just the same. You’re never going to finish all your homework. You’re going to cry, and maybe, just maybe, need a hug from your mom. You’re going to bullshit at least one exam essay you write and pray that you sound like you know what you’re talking about. You’re going to get lost in a neighborhood you don’t know and walk around till you find where you’re going. You’re going to sing sappy teenage ballads all alone in your room, when no one else is home. You’ll get mad at your parents and wish they’ll leave you be. You’re going to dream of getting out of town, and when you finally do, you’re going to miss it. You’re going to fall in and out of love, and one day you might really figure out what that word means.”

You’ll get punished, whistled at, cheated on, yelled at, ditched by your friends, played by boys, pranked upon, laughed at.

You’re never going to stop looking for yourself. You won’t fully know what all you are really capable of.  You are a teenager, so stop trying so hard, expecting so much, hurting yourself, crying so often. Take a walk outside, walk with your head held high, quit talking shit about people. Go to school and smile at everyone. Be happy because you love who you are. Love your flaws. Love your imperfections. They make you ‘You’, and ‘You’ are pretty amazing.

Moving On, Moving Over

His gray eyes looked out to the horizon. The sunset had lightened up the park, and the orange sunlight filtering through the tree leaves seemed just so beautiful. He wished he could stay like this forever, sitting on that wooden bench with her, looking out to the sunset. The only shortcoming in the plan was, she wasn't here. At least, not yet. But it was about time she came. He looked at the watch on his wrist- her gift to him on his last birthday- and realized it was pretty late. 7;15 PM. Though he didn't get restless. He kept waiting, sitting on the wooden bench. Soon, he started checking his watch more and more often.
7:35 PM. 7:50 PM. 8:00 PM.
She should have been here an hour ago. Still, he kept waiting, sitting on the wooden bench. He kept his patience and faith. He knew she'd make it to him, no matter what may. So he kept waiting, not getting up, and saw the moon come up. Seven minutes later, his phone beeped. It was a message from her, saying she couldn't make it to him.

Saying perhaps, it was time to end it all.

His phone slipped from his hand on to the ground. He stood up slowly and took a step forward, but his knees gave in and he dropped down. He lay there, between the tall grasses, as his shoulders shook with uncontrollable sobs. He had no idea how much time had passed. It could have been seconds, minutes or even hours. He simply lay there, crying his heart out.
At some point of time, when it had become quite dark, he felt a hand on his shoulder. When he didn't look up, the person pulled him up by his arm and placed him on the bench. He turned around to see who it was, when he saw a familiar face. He couldn't immediately place that face in his memory, but he knew he had seen this girl somewhere. He might have recognized her as the nerdy kid with purple horn-rimmed glasses who sat at the back in Science class, if he wasn't so disturbed at the moment.  Or he might have not, since popular kids don't usually payed attention to the nerds.
But she recognized him, and she sat there on the cold bench beside him for hours, holding his hand.

                                                       ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Three months later, the two were sitting at the back of Science class, taking down notes quietly. When he looked up, the boy saw his old friends jeering. They were still upset with him for becoming best friends with the nerd of the class, but he didn't care. His eyes shifted farther, and saw the girl he once loved. And still did. He lowered his eyes, his muscles tightened. He hadn't gotten over her yet, but now, he hated her too. He hated her for breaking his heart.
He felt his new friend's hand on his. She smiled at him sympathetically, assuring him that everything will be alright. It's amazing how many wonders  a true friend's smile can do.

Keeping Up Those Fake Smiles

She acts like everything's alright.
She laughs at people's jokes, lends her stuff with a grin, does silly things with her friends and pretends she has a carefree life.
But if you look at her closely, you can see that every now and then she turns away from her group of friends. Her smile falters, and she becomes another person for a few seconds; a sad person. A person who is broken and damaged. But after a few depressing seconds, she inhales deeply and goes back to her group, smiling and joking around. She almost looks like she is actually happy. But if you look at her closely, you can see how spurious her smile really is and you can see all the wreckage behind that fake smile.

When she comes back home, she just turns off that mental switch holding all her emotions back, for some hours. She breaks down completely, letting all those feelings flood in.
Loneliness. Emptiness. Tiredness. Disappointment.
She can't exactly describe these feelings into words. She just gets so.....sad. So sad, that she shuts down completely. She stares blankly at the gray wall in front of her. And in that moment, it doesn't matter what you say to her. Because in that moment, she doesn't exist. Only a 'fat', 'weak', 'ugly', failure does.
It's not like she never tried. She went through therapy, stopped cutting herself and even believed she was actually improving. She read all the positive quotes she could find on Internet, and even posted them. But secretly, she didn't understand how to 'let it go', or 'leave your past behind'. She only wished that the people who wrote "Beauty isn't something to be found physically" or "Being unique and original is what you should be doing", could explain all this to the people around her.
Maybe one day, she really might understand all those positive quotes, and she'll get over it all eventually. Maybe even really soon. But that doesn't make it hurt any less right now.
Though despite the pain, and until That day, she'll show she's "fine:)". And until that day, she'll continue to smile, no matter how hurt she is.